I'm not even sure how to start this post. First, I realize that there is really no one reading it because I have not publicized it or anything.  I also know that currently this blog is mostly therapy for me.  More than anything else worldy... I want a baby.  I would love to either be pregnant or to adopt a child.  My situation is that my body is not cooperating on the pregnancy part and my husband is so overwhelmed with his school and work stuff, that the autobiography needed to precede with the adoption is at the back of his mind.

I don't want to push him.  This morning, I left my lunch at home.  While I was talking to him on my drive to school, he said he would bring it to me.  He is so tired.  I saw it in his eyes when he came to the school this morning.  It made me want to cry that he is so stressed and tired I can see it on his face.  If I haven't mentioned it before, Jonathan is a paramedic and works 24 hour shifts.  He is also a pastor, going to school to get his preaching license, and working on his B.S.  I wish I knew of a way to encourage him without making him feel like I was pushing.

I'm probably a little hormonal too... I have the worst cycle of my life.  It was only a week or so after my HCG shot, which meant the shot was late.  And I have had the worst back and abdomen pain.  Hopefully, this means that the large cyst has ruptured and that we are on the right track.

All of this added with a friend coming tomorrow (and my house is a wreck) and all the rain that we have had over the last 3 weeks has dampened my spirits.  Perhaps once the house gets clean (today) and the sun comes out (tomorrow) my mood and spirits will pick up too.  It was so bad yesterday that I almost "accused" my sister (also my best friend) of being pregnant and not telling me.

I am trying to focus on the positive... for instance... the school board approved a science camp trip that I have wanted to do for years.  It is finally going to happen and I am super excited about that.  Between that and Crop Connection, I am going to focus on those worldly things and focus on my relationship with God.  I know He is working in our situation... I just can't seem to figure out how.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4