Happy New Year! So, Jonathan is at work, but in true New Year's tradition I had blackeyed peas, mac and cheese, and brussel sprouts (the store was out of cabbage). He and I will celebrate for supper tomorrow night. Why supper and not lunch? Well, I have a doctor's appointment! Yay!
I've told you before that we have tried Clomid for several years. But, this is the second try with the drug Femara. Just in case you are unfamiliar with the process, when a person has trouble ovulating, a doctor will often prescribe an HCG injection to cause a release of the follicle. So, with the Clomid, we only were able to have an HCG injection twice in 2 1/2 years. With the Femara, we were able to get an HCG injection the first month!
So that puts us where we are now.... a very long cycle and going in tomorrow to find out about my follicles. We know I had several, but they were a little small. My cycle is very long, so the doctor just thought we needed to wait a couple of days and see if they got larger. We shall find out tomorrow!
The plan is that if it doesn't work this month, we will sit out a cycle to let my body rest. I know it sounds terrrilbe, but the stress of such a strict schedule is very hard and I am halfway looking forward to a less stressful month. People keep telling me to relax.... it will happen when you finally give up. Relax. Seriously? Give up? Really? I love all these people... but, can they seriously expect us to totally give up on something that we want so badly. Admittidly, I am much more relaxed that I have been in the past. We are both praying for God's will to be done and allowing Him to take control of our situation. We know that He has a plan and we are trying to follow His guidance. I think this has a lot to do with my relaxation.
Don't get me wrong, we have been praying this whole time. It is just a different feeling now. I feel better about where we are. It is a place that I have a difficult time describing. I have several friends trying to have babies that are not in the same place we are in right now. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. Everyone has to find their way in their own way. Sometimes it is easier than others to stay in such a good place.
For example, being around families or crocheting baby blankets can be hard. But, you know what? When I am ok with those things, and I have faith in God, and I know that I am going to be ok with or without a child. That is a great place to be! It makes the process of adoption or conception a little easier... emotionally. A little. Ha Ha.
Last summer, I found out within 2 weeks that 2 of my best friends were both having babies. For one of them, it is her second. For the other, this is a first baby that was basically a gift form God after 6 years of waiting. When I found out about the friend who had been waiting so long, it was the 4th of July and I was heading to my parents for a gathering. Let's just say that I cried before we got there and then I really cried when we left. I was exceptionally glad that Jonathan was driving because I cried myself to sleep on the way home. When I found out about the other friend , I was at a scrapbooking event. That was probably the worst because I wasn't where I could escape people very easily. She didn't want to tell me because of where I was, but I guessed correctly via text message.
I am telling you this so that you understand that though we are in a good place right now, we haven't always been there. I even go in phases where I am better than other times. I don't have all the answers, but I am working on being happy for those who are having babies, content with who I am, and trusting of God's plan for our lives.
I have so many things to talk about that just keep running through my head, but I am going to save them for another day!
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